Broken?

You cleaved my heart,
Into pieces so minute,




But did not realize, my friend, this-






There no necklace exists without the beads in a string...
And here no heart exists without the beats in a sync...

Blind Grey

Dedicated
 to the
 blind 
who can't see colours 
and yet 
see happiness-
 in the colour that's 
so ordinary
 for us...
GREY

Winter's here.
knocking- loud n' clear.

And I'm dreaming.

Of cold sunshine,

And mittened happiness.
I'm dreaming.


And I'm a blissful kitten tonight.

Raft rivulets are reverberating

Just beneath my ribs---

I'm dreaming.
(I can.)

Of surreal glances

Of an autumn moon

in warm wintery nights.

I'm dreaming.
Grey.


Yes, I'm dreaming grey.

Grey it be for a while.

I'm blind
But, I'm dreaming.

Peace! It's Grey.

Glory! It's Grey.

Blessed be.
It's Grey!


Rhythm's Grey.

Vision's Grey.

Illusion's Grey.

Delusion's Grey.

Let's live Grey
for a while.

Grey be it-

the color.

Let's see-- blind.




Grey it be.
Let's see-- blind.

Let's get Optimist, Delhi!

Here's a cartoon/painting I made for a competition on 

XIX Common Wealth Games, New Delhi.

Click to Enlarge.

Although everything's a mess,
roads dug up ubiquitously,
stadiums falling apart,
corruption drilling into Indian veins,
players refusing to attend the event,
and security in mayhem,
I still,
I still am sure...


The games will be a success! 
Hope you like this tiny effort of mine in
wishing The Best for my Delhi.


DELHI ! GET OPTIMIST! EVERYTHING'S GONNA BE OKAY! :)

My Will

Warning: This blog post is written solely for the purpose of giving an unprejudiced vent to the turmoil that has been occurring within me. If you happen to chance by this blog, it shall be read at your own will. I wouldn’t mind if you typecast me as just another whiner. Being in my shoes has its own charm which maybe good or omen- I won’t let you decide. Because it’s about being me and not you.

I won’t ever kill myself--officially called suicide. Never ever. Not because I’m an unrelenting positive person, which I won’t claim I am, but because I’m so disillusioned by my present life that I’m pretty convinced that my after life would be no better. From a dancing chirpy bird, I’ve become a crib-all within a span of one week after my 18th and the most unfortunate birthday. Maybe He wants me to grow up that way. In pain.

Somewhere, I was unlucky. Somewhere, it was my fault. My people supported me all this while. Few acted that they support me. But then again I realized, that people who’re with you throughout the worst of times are actually your own. Rest, are just, well, fine actors who live with a façade and ultimately have to die real. Maybe I didn’t require any of their words. Because, they only hurt me one way or the other. I wanted not their sympathy or empathy but just a warm shoulder to cry on and wipe away my tears myself. I didn’t want them to say anything pleasing or offer me undue hope but I wanted them to just stay by me and bear my imperfection with testing patience. When you’re wounded, even the gentle touch of a doctor would make your heart scream with pain. I didn't expect butchers in the process! But well, they exist everywhere. What would the world be if there were no saprotrophs who feed onto the decaying? They're essential. And worse still, even biologically speaking, most of the energy resides with them. Nature's ways are wonders. Or perhaps, I'm just perceiving it all wrong in the midst of misery.

They held me all this while. With cold ropes and iron-fists. Only to see me fall. Yet again. And again. I thought I had lost hope quite a while ago. But I held on to it till the very end. But seeing failures feasting your mind and soul isn’t a sight that would embody your best spirits. Not when you have so much at stake. And then your otherwise caring words started questioning my faith in myself. And finally you asked me to ask myself, Am I able? And I couldn’t answer the question. Not because I’d lost hope. But because I suspect I’d lost faith- in myself. I wouldn’t have lost it if I were left on my own, healing myself my own way. But when you confronted me and hammered the failure into my head, it made me cringe. I knew things would be fine soon. Not the best, but fine indeed. And I still know that. You may disown me for not earning the best for myself. It may make much difference for you, not for me. Or I think. My life is beautiful according to my eyes. Much more than anyone else's. It's not that I'm denying that I failed but it's only that I want to play down it's after-effects. I want to live. And that too with my own head.Is it too much that I ask from you?

I still want to trust myself. Don’t ask me for proofs or question my determination. I have no evidence to show you.

Alas, unfortunately.

I wish I had any.

I will soon.

Amen.

{ SiNgLaNtHeM }

Question: What's the worst thing you could do to your girlfriend?
Answer: Tell her this-- "Darling, your best friend looks cute. Can I have her number?" [:D]
__________________________________________________________________


__________________________________________________________________





We’re the singles
The no-never-mingles
We live ‘The’ life
Boyfriends? Ahoy!

Killer’re our heels
Wicke' winks at the boys
Singing super songs
Merriment prolongs!

Hey! We’re the singles
The no-never-mingles
We live ‘The’ life
Boyfriends? Ahoy!

We hang around
Cool in the lounge
We pick our sticks
And flick out the sick!

Say! We’re the singles
The no-never-mingles
We live ‘The’ life
Boyfriends? Ahoy!

We don’t sulk
And we never fight
Poor all you gfs We DO empathize!

Sigh! We’re the singles
The no-never-mingles
We live ‘The’ life
Boyfriends? Ahoy!

One to the tangy Two
Two OH to the sexy Six Don’t be mo-moron
Don’t count the ticks!

Tock!? We’re the singles
The no-never-mingles
We live ‘The’ life
Boyfriends? Ahoy!


Gossip and tongue slip
She's gotta hickey-on-the-neck-Shit! Girls, sleepover tonight?
Make-up & pillow fight?

Rogue! We’re the singles
The no-never-mingles
We live ‘The’ life
Boyfriends? Ahoy!

Decent! We ride a horse
Hot! We strike the pose
Pierced’r our brow Ouch,don’t be so slow!

Dare! We’re the singles
The no-never-mingles
We live ‘The’ life
Boyfriends? Ahoy!

We heard, your bf
Has got a glad eye?!
Leave it to us baby
We’ll box it black, fine?

Lol! We’re the singles
The no-never-mingles
We live ‘The’ life
Boyfriends? Ahoy!

________________________________________________________________
In the Hindsight: I'm celebrating Singleton / Singledom / Singlehood / Singularity or whatever the word that suggests intelligence is! I am in love with it for sure!!
Moral of the Story: Stay Single, Stay Sane! (Works for me!)

A Letter.

Hi friend,

(Are you happy that I didn’t write best-friend instead? You ought to be, I command now.)

I cheerfully take the blame for all the war going on between us. It’s very simple to understand if you look at it from my point of view.

See, I’m a very basic human-being. I see happiness, I see sadness and I see love with a very basic approach of mind. I don’t know the meaning of hang-around friends. I don’t understand their presence in my life. I wouldn’t ever like calling myself an exhibitionist if at all, at any point of time, I appreciate the crowd. Call me a kid, but I can only and only make best friends. I’ll keep doing that throughout my life. That’s my introduction if after all these months you haven’t come to know me that well. My previous blog echoed the same. I nowhere wished to be insulting to you.

Coming back to the fore, I would’ve appreciated it if you considered yourself one of the very special people in my lives. Our proximity to each other yelled out the same. But, when you betrayed me at times, (which is largely understandable now if I consider you as a part of the crowd. But disheartening, if I consider you as a friend), I got away with your explanation that was grossly made-up (only because I was blind). Why else was I not able to explain your follies to others who aren’t close to you that well? They’re experienced creatures I must tell you.

I remember you gave me hints that you didn’t consider anyone a friend. But, I’m sorry I ignored them when I saw how gracious you can be to me (Yes, thanks a lot for that beautiful farewell at your house. It shall remain one of the most endearing moments of my life) but now, I feel let down. Having invested so much of affection in you, I couldn’t bear to “move on” when you requested. But, I did. And, I experienced the lack of restraint and lovely freedom you used to talk about.

Talking about my habit of moping about stuff, I can honestly say that with a hand on my heart, that no one except you knows me like that. You were so (or maybe you acted) sympathetic to me that it became a hard-to-quit habit. I’m Angelina Jolie. Does that make me her? Similarly, calling myself a loser once doesn’t make me one. I’m a winner. I’ll do what my heart desires as soon as I become independent. You can’t contradict that. Because, you have no right to hurt my self-esteem. Even if I’m blind.

You wanted me to move on. When I did, you retaliated. I can’t understand the mixed signals you give me. You want to lurch in the crowd instead of staying by my side, go ahead. I don’t mind that now. You have always inspired me. And this time, you’ve enthused in me the spirit to budge on. I could’ve never taken this bold step, ever. Nor could I write, all that I did in my previous blog, had you not shaped me that well. I stole that from you. Thank you!

Finally, let me assure you that how acrimoniously we may have ended, you’ll always be held in high esteem in my eyes (for a few reasons, I got hurt. But like you, I don’t believe in grudges. I just spew venom in the face and leave.). You shall be regarded as my best friend and guru forever (even if you don’t like the tag, like always.) Do you ever remember if I had talked bitter about anyone from my previous life ? (Excluding physical appearance, please. I talk about my figure with a greater disdain!) I’ve had spats with my old best friends but even then, I can’t help but call them the best people ever in my lives without letting anyone know that they’re far-far away from me. (A secret:They return. My fingers are crossed for another return but I’ll be happy to be away for some time now.)

It was nice being with you.
It could have been nicer.

Love,
Fifty per center.

Who's next?!

I love

to give up everything

for One Special Person…

What do I get in return? It’s either a Great Friend or a Great Lesson…

What say?

This strategy sucks?
Oh, I know that, darling.
Tell me something new, okay?
And yeah, go get a life. Kamna's arrived!

As a matter of fact,this approach is not something I’ve adopted. It’s genetically inherent and well developed in my genotype and phenotype by now. (By birth,in other words, if you require a fuse wire to start.) I've always been selective in making friends. Here's how. I'll not meet you face to face. I won’t ask you your name. I won’t ask you your interests. I would only choose you using my seventh sense (Or, is it sixth?) Because, I can see it in you. From far far away. Beware of me, I have the cat’s eyes! Lucky you are,if you're the one!But, there's a long way to go, my friend. Patience, is the key.

This one's turned old.(Ahem,I mean, it won't turn gold. Failed to see through me- failed in the test I put it through. Situation vacant now. "The Great Lesson" has arrived in mail. Who's got the time to go through it? Not me. You think I'm plain Jane? Lol.)

So...

Who’s next?! (Puhleeezz,not you. Try again***)

Next!!

Urghhh!

Next!!





*** T&C apply.
Don't know what I mean?
Mwah! K!$$ my @$$.
Gotcha?
Smart chap. B)
Still not got? (Like I didn't for the very first time,to be Kamnanishly frank.)
Try clicking below...
I'm a Nerd. Show me the meaning of K!$$ my @$$
Oh by the way, thanks P-dude, you hinted me the right way... the slangs work!

Bidding adieu? Maybe.

It’s only sometimes in life that you come across someone so considerate and supportive of you (I’m blabbering about my best friends, here, in the middle of the night.). Then usually enough, situations change. And people change accordingly. Attitudes transform to the worse. Simple complexities of life soon become so incomprehensible. A person you knew for forever suddenly becomes a stranger. What gets lost? Why do friends at that ‘later’ point of ‘later’ time become so uncannily unfamiliar? The warmth you shared with them slowly and gradually becomes so icy to be even felt. You had once parted with a promise of ‘staying in touch’. You run ahead, you race faster, and you chase your dreams in life. But you forget the once sworn promise of ‘just being together’. You sing, you laugh, and you cherish the sweet weather in your courtyard now. But you hardly recollect the face of the person who once merrily gyrated with your croaky songs and hummed with your husky tunes. Why? Why it always has to happen? Why do we have to move on with life by leaving things behind? Why is change always so unavoidable? I have yet again come at that juncture in life when you have to leave all whom you loved.
Eh, slink stinky feeling…

My brain and heart quarrelling over the coffee…

What would happen now?
The same as it always happens.
Perhaps, yes. They’ll rise and shine. Maybe even I’ll- But, at the cost of our friendship…
No, please-spare me the horrors yet again…
Uff- I moan too bad…
Yeah, think positive…
Oh well I can’t!
It’s always like that. See, life’s so fair: you get some-you lose some.
No, life’s unfair. You love some and soon lose all the ‘some’.
You’re barmy
Ahem.
Yes you are.
Ahem.
Kamna?
Yeah?
What is it?
Bye.
Bye?
Yeah that’s all I’ve got to say for now. :(
Ahem.
…
…

The Face in the Blue

In the night

Gazing at the sky,

I have always seen

A face- perhaps my perception,

It stares, it’s serene and it’s still.

It seems to hold

My breath, my verve.

It takes me away from me-

Behold- not too far,

It touches, is divine to me,

The face so clear,

So mild and so near,

Enslaves me in its embrace,

I am mesmerized, captivated.

As thus, it loves me.

It makes me feel so dear,

Too heavenly and so pure,

I feel like soaring high,

And higher till the horizon

Beckons me, craves for me.

I can see, the lust

In its naïve eyes.

How excruciating is the pain,

Of losing a prized,

The tenderness is benign,in its sigh.

I could feel the warmth in its rime,

I could feel the comfort in its grasp,

I could feel its presence

Was like a flame in the candle,

It flared and flickered, agonized.

I want to go,

Far, far-ahead and away,

But the dawn calls upon,

The facade fades away,

The face in the blue withers away,

It leaves me all alone,

The morning light sluices my eyes,

Shows where I am, not where,

I was or where I want to be,

It takes my thoughts away -along.

The azure face- so cerulean,

My identity it acquires away,

Lost in that forlorn whorl,

Never, to come back again.

That Face in the Blue- fades away.